Adult ADHD and the Fear of Failure

Possessing the ability to believe in yourself, have confidence in your skills, and then have the conviction to follow through, is a daunting experience for many. While everyone naturally deals with a fear of failure, adult ADHD and the fear of failure, seems to be more pronounced, often stopping an individual from doing what they love and just being themselves. 

Why is it that many talented individuals with ADHD, are too afraid to follow their bliss and showcase their talents, out of the fear of failure and the judgement of others? 

The great news is, once you conquer that fear, everything begins to change.

Adult ADHD and the Fear of Failure

Limiting beliefs, low self-esteem, and the fear of failure, doesn’t just happen overnight. They are usually the product of early negative experiences and ongoing external and internal criticism.

Often a lifetime of being told ‘you’re not listening’, ‘you’re not concentrating’, ‘you’re not trying hard enough’, or just appearing aloof or distant, can have a far-reaching impact on one’s perception of self.

Not only can it damage self-esteem, it can also stop an individual from believing they can achieve something. And, this isn’t including negative self-talk which is equally, if not more damaging, in the long-term.

It can be very confusing when you know you’re trying, yet you just don’t seem to measure up!

Fear of being judged

Many adults with ADHD, won’t openly divulge their diagnosis due to the fear of being judged. I’ve done it myself and still do. There can be a lot of shame behind a diagnosis and it’s often easier to try to fit into the ‘norm’ than be yourself.  Read more about shame and ADHD here.

Because ADHD has been commonly associated with children (although more adults are now receiving a diagnosis), it’s still a daunting prospect deciding whether to bear all to others.

It’s almost like being a member of an isolated underground group, that won’t or can’t, truly be themselves despite possessing a skill, passion, ability or talent. Unfortunately, I see far too much of this in comments, discussion groups and forums for adults with ADHD.

What adds to this ‘isolation’ is when others chip in with comments like  ‘oh we are all a little bit like that sometimes’. It’s not helpful, it’s annoying, and it downplays the negative impact the symptoms of ADHD impose on a person (24 hours, 7 days a week). This isn’t a ‘thing’ that miraculously switches off when you get home from work.

Unless you’ve walked in their shoes, and ridden the merry-go-round in their head, don’t judge or trivialise their experience.

Feeling different or just plain weird?

Feeling socially awkward is another common trait of ADHD. I’ve always felt socially ‘odd’. Like rocking up to a party in a spaceship with my multiple heads and limbs!

This feeling of awkwardness can feed into the fear of failure because it’s exhausting keeping the inner tornado subdued, while trying to follow along with conversations.

It’s also a logistical juggling act of the brain when your are camped out in your head a lot of the time. You might be looking at the face, but there’s not a lot going in.

It takes a lot of effort to concentrate, not butt in or talk over others, keep swearing to a minimum (if that’s even possible), and to not feel judged, all at the same time. It’s like a cluster f*@# of epic proportion, and that’s just inside your head.  Read more about the impact of a wandering mind here.

Items from the Mind Excessively Wandering Scale (MEWS). The authors of the article clearly state that items listed with an ‘a’ should be excluded in further research based on their findings from the study. Full reference in the Further Info section.

Wanting to follow your passion but afraid of what others might think?

This often perceived, or real judgement, can have a detrimental effect on your ability to follow your passion without giving a s**t about what others think.

Being able to push through that fear of failure and give it a go, is no easy feat and I liken it to 1000 mosquitoes, invading my armpit, and biting in the same place! (A phrase I used a lot as a kid). On the flip side, you CAN reach that point, when you do eventually turn that corner.

I’ve turned that corner and accepted that I am who I am, and that I just need to roll with it! It took me a long time to get there, and it’s still an uneven, and sometimes, arduous path, but I’ll continue to walk it. I encourage you to do the same!

Be someone different and rock it (or don’t, because, who cares right?)

Don’t be a sheep! YES, I think a bit out of the box. YES, I might be a little or a lot ‘out there’. And, YES, I think some would classify my ideas as ‘IN-TE-RES-TING’ to say the least. But I encourage you to ask yourself this; ‘if we all did the same crap, day in and day out, would we have the things we see around us today?’ Probably not. 

Read more about my crazy ideas HERE

We have these things because creative, and sometimes crazy people were willing to take a risk and push through fear. Lots of people thought Darwin and Einstein were bat-sh*t crazy. Turns out, they weren’t. So, what are you waiting for?